what they call love is a risk ('cause you always get hit)
by sparklylulz
Summary: But the truth is this: Piz never needed Veronica to be strong, he only ever wanted her to feel comfortable enough around him to be vulnerable. [Spoilers for the film.]


**a/n: **_**SPOILERS**_ obviously, please don't go any further if you haven't seen the movie yet.

Basically I adore Piz. As in, I will probably never find true love because I will always be holding out for Piz. I wanted to give him something more than the film did, and this was the angsty and bloated result.

The title comes from Brand New, who let's not kid ourselves, is kind of Piz' theme band

* * *

_"I know that this is what you want. _  
_A funeral keeps both of us apart. _  
_You know that you are not alone._  
_Need you like water in my lungs."_

i.

In the beginning, Piz really thought they could work. Even after meeting Logan and subsequently getting his face punched off by Logan, he honestly believed Veronica could survive her past and become his future.

When they first left for New York they weren't even really "together," but she held his hand on the plane, and he knew she was trying to be as strong as she always thought she needed to be.

But the truth is this: Piz never needed Veronica to be strong, he only ever wanted her to feel comfortable enough around him to be vulnerable.

Sometimes he hears her mutter Logan's name in her sleep, but it was a panicked, nightmarish fever that came with her words. He wonders if she dreams about Logan dying, but he decides he doesn't need to know.

The initial six months are the hardest - everything is awkward. He can tell she misses her father and Neptune and being a P.I., but he tries his hardest to make her happy. He buys her flowers every Tuesday and takes her for her favorite Thai dish on Thursdays and meets her after her morning classes on Wednesdays to share lunch dates.

Maybe that's why she didn't come back to him. Piz was boring and predictable and Veronica wanted more than that from life.

And Piz? Well, he never stood a chance.

.:.

ii.

She doesn't hear from Logan for nine years, but when he calls she answers. She'll always answer, and Piz knew somewhere in the back of his head that something was ending when she hits "Answer" on her screen.

He was lucky really that he got even a short amount of time with her. Veronica Mars was a force of nature - she blew in and wrecked everything around her and then left before the fallout could truly be measured.

And the worst part is that had been why he loved her so much.

Piz had only ever known the warm confines of his parents' home and a normal high school with a few good friends. The drama surrounding Veronica was like a drug: addictive and almost impossible not to take a second hit. He wanted to be an anchor in that for her, but what she wanted was wind in her sails, not something to keep her in place. He doesn't see this until it's beyond too late for them.

On her 24th birthday, they still aren't really a couple, they're just two people who live in the same city and know each other, but he still arranges to have her dad flown out and she tears up when she flips on the lights to her tiny apartment. (She had given him a key only for emergencies, but he still checked to make sure she fed herself more than baguettes and coffee.) He thought then that perhaps he could make her happy.

But then she takes Logan's phone call and it all goes to hell faster than he can keep up. It's even harder to let her go when he knows he doesn't even think he can trust her.

As she disappears into the security line, he wonders if he even knows Veronica Mars. He remembers the girl who kissed him at a party and made all his dreams come true, but also the girl who nearly let herself be destroyed after her father's campaign loss. The old Veronica never did anything by halves: she could be quiet, but she was still just as deadly. This new Veronica was different, but maybe Piz never really saw her for her at all.

"I love you," He had whispered to her, months before she would ever say it back to him.

There was a sadness in her eyes when she rolled over in his bed, "Oh Piznarski, this isn't a Jennifer Aniston movie."

Maybe she was joking, but now it seems pretty obvious what she meant: we can't both have a happy ending. It's you or me, but not both.

And honestly, Piz would rather it be her.

.:.

iii.

It'd be easier if Logan was still the same dick he remembers from high school, but instead he's all grown up and defending the nation. He even smiles at Piz and thanks him and it feels like the whole world's gone topsy-turvy suddenly.

Logan wasn't supposed to be the nice guy. Logan wasn't supposed to be quiet and kind and not hit on Veronica or goad her every five seconds. But here he stands, tall and fit, reserved and gentle. And Piz can't even hate him for it.

"Logan seems… different." Piz says quietly to Veronica the night before he flies back to New York.

"Yeah. He…" She falters, glancing up to the ceiling and he thinks he might see regret lining her soft features in the dim light of her stereo. "He grew up."

She rolls over and slips into an uneasy sleep, but Piz stares out her window all night trying to understand how he can let himself give up on her.

See, the thing is, Piz knows at his core one thing above all is the truth: he is a lover, not a fighter.

And a girl like Veronica Mars deserves a fighter. He tries, he does - he takes punches and gives them back, but he can't do this forever. He thought maybe those days were behind them, but here they are nine years later in the same place.

It would never be different with her. She'd always need someone there to take or give a punch, even when she could do it herself.

.:.

iv.

He says goodbye to her on the bustling streets of a city he's come to love only because she was there with him. Now he has to turn back to his parents and tell them that he wasn't good enough for Veronica Mars, but maybe the truth is that he was too good for her.

He sleeps on his couch for a solid week, not being able to go back to a bed they once shared when they both had the time. His sheets still smell like her shampoo when he gathers the courage up to change them, and the sight of her toothbrush on his sink knocks the wind out of him.

She had a way of leaving traces in every part of his life: her forgotten coffee thermos in his sink, the picture of them at graduation on his desk at work, the voicemails on his phone - he starts to worry he'll drown in the memories of her.

"_hey dude, heard about you and veronica. i'm sorry, hit me up if you're ever on the west coast,_" reads the text Wallace sends him a week after the break up.

Piz hates that things are now divided and split up into hers and his. Wallace would always be hers, and that was fair, but Piz only gets left with a headache and box full of things he wants to throw away but doesn't have the heart to.

Maybe he'll never get over her, but he knew going into this mess that no one ever gets over Veronica Mars. Logan Echolls stood as a testament to that.

He hopes she's happy now, in a life that he could've never been part of. A square peg in a round hole - that summed up Piz' love for Veronica.

But he still loved her - impossibly, achingly, hopefully - and it's harder than almost anything else to realize he's spent almost a decade at her side to come in second to a spoiled rich kid who never had to put any effort into wooing her.

.:.

v.

He doesn't get an invitation to their wedding, which is fine. He wouldn't go anyway, but he sees the pictures online and it aches. They're both wearing white on the beach and Veronica is smiling so hard it almost hurts to look at her.

Dick is the best man and Piz laughs out loud at how much she must've hated that. Mac stands as maid of honor and seems less than impressed by her counterpart on Logan's side of the aisle.

Mr. Mars is smiling, even if it is strained, and he's crying in the later pictures as he dances with her.

There's the traditional shot of cake in the face, but Logan takes it like a champ, and when Piz gets to the picture of their kiss on the dance floor, he understands.

This was always going to happen - Veronica and Logan were epic, they are the kind of couple with songs written about them.

Piz is okay with never having a song written about him, and seeing Veronica so fully happy is like a kickstart to his chest. He deserved this ending too, maybe not with Veronica, but that didn't mean he couldn't have one.

He sends her a congratulations card because he's a nice guy and he is genuinely happy for her and in it he writes, "Happy looks good on you, kid. -Piz."

She sends back a text, "_I'm older than you Piznarski, so shut up and go be happy_."

And he when he deletes the message, he resolves himself on doing just that.


End file.
